World Cup Final Ennui, Annoyance; Soccer Kinda Sucks

Who cares if he's bald in back? Zidane has the best hairline ever.

Laughing and smirking, I can't even take the world's biggest, most-watched game seriously. I'm not fan of American football either, but can you imagine one these Euro-floppers taking an actual shove with intent and force? They might not even know how to react to a non-floppable offense. "Why'd you hit me?!" they'd cry.

The flopping isn't so much an insult to the beautiful game as it is to acting. I mean, can you picture one of these soccer fools acting? I'm picturing Hamlet, after getting a minor, glancing cut from a poison-tipped sword in the final scene; Hamlet's flopping around on the ground, pounding the pavement with his fists, writhing like a trout on a hook, holding his wound. It'd be comedy or farce more than drama. I wonder how he'd deliver the Hamlet's last words, "the rest is silence."

That being said, it was still a lot better than the Italy-France final in 2006. Italians are good with food, but they play the worst kind of soccer. The only good thing about that game was watching Zidane headbutt that Italian dude. Even then, it was pitifully obvious the Italian overacted.

As a Europhile, for at least four World Cups I've wanted to like the game. But year after year, World Cup soccer is just as awful as I remember.